| Family guy quotes |
[Sep. 23rd, 2005|10:59 am] |
lets see if these are any better....
(Peter, Joe, Cleveland and Quagmire are stranded in the ocean after a hurricane.)
Joe: AHHHHHHHHHH!!! Peter! You've been eating my legs??
Peter: Yeah see, now this is why I didn't say anything. I knew you were going to get like this
Tom: And now to our weatherman Olie Oliver for the Blackie-Weather Forecast, Olie?
Olie: ITS RAININ' SIDEWAYS!
Tom: Don't you have an umbrella?
Olie: USED TO!
Tom: Where is it now?
Olie: INSIDE OUT TWO MILES AWAY!
Tom: Is there anything we can do for you?
Olie: BRING SOUP!
Tom: What kind?
Olie: CHUNKY!
Tom: Thanks, Olie. Up next, a pig that won't eat Jews.
Brian: I'll be in the basement.
Peter: Doin' what?
Brian: What do you think?
(Everyone laughs)
Stewie: Someone will have to explain that to me.
Peter: Hey hey I got an idea. Lets play "I Never." You got to drink if you did the thing that the person says they never did.
Cleveland: Oh I got one, I never slept with a women with the lights on.
(They all drink.)
Joe: I'll go next, uh I never had sex with Cleveland's wife.
(Quagmire and Cleveland drink.)
Peter: alright lets see uh, I never did a chick in a Logan airport bathroom.
(Only Quagmire drinks.)
****About 33 drinks later****
Peter: God lets see what else is there um...I never gave a reach-around to a spider monkey while reciting the Pledge of Alligence.
Quagmire: Oh God.
(Quagmire takes a drink.)
Joe: I uh I never picked up an illegal alien at Home Depot to take home a choke me while I touch myself.
Quagmire: Oh come on!
(Quagmire drinks again.)
Peter: I never did the same thing except with someone from Joann Fabrics.
Quagmire: Oh God this is ridiculous. You guys suck! (Drinks more and passes out.)
Peter: Ok, here's another riddle. A woman has two children. A homicidal murderer tells her she can only keep one. Which one does she let him kill?
Brian: That's... that's not a riddle. That's ... that's just terrible.
Peter: Wrong, the ugly one!
Lois: So how was your day?
Brian: My day? Un-freakin' believable. First we nailed this bastard who had the gall to hide his stuff in his daughter's doll--HER DOLL for God's sake! Where's the line anymore? Well, I got news for ya, it's not even on the radar screen! The days of decency and virtue are gone, honey, BAM, freakin' evaporated like a dingy stinkin' mudpuddle. One day you see your reflection in it and the next day it's a, it's a damn oil spot on your cracked driveway, staring back at you, mocking you, knowing the perverted truths that rot in the pit of your soul. That's how my freakin' day was!
[pause]
Peter Griffin: You know what I haven't had in a while? Big League Chew. |
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| some stuff |
[Sep. 22nd, 2005|02:36 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | none | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | none | ] |
Harry Hill Quotes
When you buy a V-neck sweater there's a V of material missing. You know what they do with that? They send it to Ann Summers and she makes those fancy pants.
My aunt used to say, 'What you can't see, can't hurt you'...well, she died of radiation poisining a few months back!
I was doing some decorating, so I got out my step-ladder. I don't get on with my real ladder.
Well I was bullied at school, called all kinds of different names. But one day I turned to my bullies and said - 'Sticks and stones may break my bones but names will never hurt me', and it worked! From there on it was sticks and stones all the way.
My Dad used to say 'always fight fire with fire', which is probably why he got thrown out of the the fire brigade. |
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| The Therapist |
[Jun. 29th, 2005|01:13 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  .....psychology....yawn | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | LRC general chit-chat | ] |
Donnie Darko: I made a new friend.
Dr. Thurman: Real or imaginary?
Donnie Darko: Imaginary.
Dr. Thurman: Would you like to talk about this friend?
Donnie Darko: Frank.
Dr. Thurman: Frank. What did Frank say?
Donnie Darko: He said to follow him.
Dr. Thurman: Follow him? Where?
Donnie Darko: Into the future.
Dr. Thurman: And then what happens?
Donnie Darko: And then he said …. Then he said that the world was coming to an end.
Dr. Thurman: Do you think the world is coming to an end?
Donnie Darko: No. That’s stupid.
****************************************
Donnie Darko: She was just standing there in the middle of the road, frozen. So I got out of the car and I walked over to her to see if she was okay. And she leaned over and whispered in my ear.
Dr. Thurman: What did she say?
Donnie Darko: I think Frank wants me to go talk to her, because the last time I saw him he asked me if I knew about time travel. And she wrote a book about it so that can’t be like a coincidence, right?
Dr. Thurman: Donnie, what did Roberta Sparrow say to you?
Donnie Darko: She said that every living creature on Earth dies alone.
Dr. Thurman: How did that make you feel?
Donnie Darko: It reminded me of my dog, Callie. She died when I was eight, and she crawled underneath the porch.
Dr. Thurman: To die?
Donnie Darko: To be alone.
Dr. Thurman: Do you feel alone right now?
Donnie Darko: I don’t know. I mean I’d like to believe I’m not, but I just… I’ve just never seen any proof so I… just don’t debate it any more it’s like I could spend my whole life debating it over and over again, weighing the pros and cons, and in the end I still wouldn’t have any proof. So I just, I just don’t debate it any more. It’s absurd. The search for God is absurd.
Dr. Thurman: The search for God is absurd?
Donnie Darko: It is if everyone dies alone.
Dr. Thurman: Does that scare you?
Donnie Darko: I don’t wanna be alone. |
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| Short stories |
[Jun. 24th, 2005|01:30 pm] |
The Failure of Reincarnation
M. Stanley Bubien
Krishna: "I'm sorry, sir, but---as they say---that's life. We do not offer a satisfaction guarantee."
Responsibility American Style
M. Stanley Bubien
"Mistakes were definitely made..."
Thanks to Ronald Reagan and Bill Clinton.
Smoking Kills
Alex Keegan
Frank Thomas believed in luck. Frank smoked too much but he knew he would never die of a heart attack or lung-cancer. Frank smoked all the time. One day there was a gas leak in Frank's kitchen. Frank said he knew a few things about gas leaks and went to fix it. Frank was right. He didn't die of a heart attack or lung-cancer.
A Widow's Final Sentence
M. Stanley Bubien
He died in the war, but not before promising me that, if there truly was an afterlife, he'd find a way to return and tell me.
But after seven years, he'd sent no sign, and I've given up on one. Today I cry in a darkness that no one can penetrate, knowing that death is the end.
In acquiescence, my hopeless echoes resound everywhere! |
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| (no subject) |
[Jun. 22nd, 2005|12:53 pm] |
Quotes from Placebo's Live Show
Brian has a number of predetermined phrases and quotes that he uses to introduce songs at the live shows.
Here are a few of them that we have been able to hear from the shows.
BIONIC :
"Some of you tonight are going to go home with your boyfriend or girlfriend.
Some of you who are lucky and good looking may just go home with a Rock Star.
But those of you who go home alone should remember that there is always an 8 inch object made of plastic
and with a motor that will never let you down. This is Bionic."
or " This song's about a robot fuck."
36 DEGREES :
" This is a public safety message, everyone should drink at least one pint of water every hour
because we don't want anybody over-heating.
We all know that the average body temperature is 37.5 degrees, this song is 36 degrees."
HANG ON TO YOUR IQ :
" Ice Cube said check yourself before you wreck yourself, Placebo say hang on to your IQ."
BRUISE PRISTINE :
" This is for all you bleeding hearts."
ALLERGIC TO THOUGHTS OF MOM :
" When you're on tour you start missing the strangest things.
You start to miss your mom but then you also begin to sneeze
and then you realise that you're simply allergic to thoughts of mom."
TEENAGE ANGST :
" How many people here had to get permission to come here from their parents? Raise your hands. This song's for you."
BURGER QUEEN :
" I lived in Luxembourg for a number of years. Take my word for it, don't go to Luxembourg, just drive through.
This song's about being in the wrong place at the wrong time."
KITSCH OBJECT :
"They say romance is back in fashion, may say that Kitsch is back in fashion." |
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| Le Descriptione |
[Jun. 16th, 2005|01:52 pm] |
claire Saunders.
are you ready?
if i were to describe LiveJournal in one word it would be...
Good. |
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| a little bit about me |
[Jun. 15th, 2005|10:32 am] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  ........ | ] |
this is some little know stuff about me.
sean is/is not
sean is a tourist
sean is wonderful
sean is a total wanker
sean is mine
sean is a wonderful little boy
sean is?
sean is the coolest
sean is sworn to secrecy about these scenes and how they were done
sean is growing more every day
sean is stoned
sean is definitely not gay and is currently single
sean is not an out of the closet person
sean is a quadriplegic due to arthritis with complications and has been for many years
sean is back and treats her boyfriend and you to 9 golden shower scenes with great camera angles
sean is hospitalized after breaking three ribs and bruising his heart in a full contact karate tournement
sean is ssooooo hottttt
sean is funny on june 14th
so thats it. you know a little bit more about me. more soon. |
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| 1st time for every thing |
[Jun. 9th, 2005|02:15 pm] |
so here i am, live journal.
wow.
this is a good as i expected.....
and thats pretty good...
maybe i'll put a less sarcasmic entry in later,
maybe not... |
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